Things My Mother Taught Me

My mother taught me about the food groups: "If you put one foot outside that door, you're not getting any homemade bread."

My mother taught me contortions: "Have you seen the dirt on the back of your neck?"

My mother taught me to stand firm: "You'll sit there till all that spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about weather: "Looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

My mother taught me about hypocrisy: "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times—Don't exaggerate!"

My mother taught me the circle of life: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about behavior programming: "Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about envy: "There are millions of less fortunate children who don't have parents like yours!"

—Compiled by LaughALot@editors.crosswalk.com; submitted by Mike Herman, Glen Ellyn, Illinois